I looked up, the puffy snowy mountain top, the serious tall pines, the deep dark blue sky, the flowing clouds, the elegant sailboats, the cristal clear lake Dillon, and the gorgeous reflection of all these nature beauty, a wonderland.
Sitting on a rock by the road, I was crying. I was not here in this beautiful wonderland.
I felt weak, disappointed, frustrated, and sad. I felt like a withered grass, baked under the sun, lifeless, indifferent, and irrelevant, while the rest of the world was thriving and competing.
I have been feeling like this since we started climbing the rockie mountains three days ago. I can’t breathe on the bike, like I am drowning in the mud. I drag my arms and legs, and they feel hollow, soft, and flimsy. My body sinks deep into the saddle, aching everywhere. The shoulder pain makes me want to throw up.
How could I feel this miserable?
Last month, I rode 3000 km on the road to train my body for endurance and strength. Hours riding in the smothering heat, battling the endless rolling hills and the strong wind, riding with all the pain and PD symptoms, I was preparing my mind to take whatever challenges I encountered. Now, how could I give up so easily that I have to walk every hill, rest every ten steps, and don’t have the courage to get on the saddle to try even one more paddle?
Altitude sickness, I was told, is the reason. It affects people differently, and there is little one can do about it. Yesterday, it took me 2 hours to walk 5 miles (8 km) to get to Loveland peak (elevation 11990 ft/3655 m). I had to stop walking every minute to catch up my breath when my heart rate surges at 125, several times 135. I couldn’t drink water or eat because of my stomachache. Rune, our friend coming from Norway, was so kind that he stayed with me the whole time, telling jokes, singing songs, and dancing with his cycling shoes to cheer me up. Today I was riding along at a pace of 4.4 km/h, far behind the peloton, stopped before midway point and got picked up by Dan, a volunteer with Davis phinney foundation and rescue professional in the rockie mountains area.
I am disappointed in myself, but I know I am trying my best. I need to accept what has happened and learn and grow from this experience.
